on being a part of The Founded

TJ and I got married in July 2013. While most of our friends in our Christian circles got married in their early 20's, we, at the "ripe" ages of 27 and 28, still managed to be one of nine couples in our fringe friend group to get married between May and October 2013. It's a weird time of life to be newlyweds and Christians; most of our close friends have 2 or 3 kids in tow, while we are still terrified of the possibility of accidentally becoming parents. In our community, we struggle to find the balance between "single" and "married with children." We feel rushed to figure out this stage of life and pressure to have an amazing, hassle free first year of marriage.

But it's not like that. It's hard. Apart from getting married, we went through huge life transitions: both moving to San Diego, me quitting my job and being a stay at home wife, TJ taking on his first structured 9-5 job. Also normal marriage transitions: joint budgeting, sharing a bed, boundaries with family, time management. There's always the couple that can give advice about when they went through it, but sometimes you just need to know that someone else is going through it right now too.

That's where The Founded comes in. These nine couples that are entering this stage of life have decided to do it together. We are dispersed across southern California (from San Diego to Pasadena), but we are going to be intentional about meeting every other month to do life together. 

We kicked things off in Pasadena this past weekend and discussed highs and lows in marriage thus far. There were plenty of highs to discuss: honeymoons, no longer having to say goodbye at the end of the night, acts of service, and teamwork. But there were also some significant lows: fights, loneliness, questions of personal worth and value to the relationship. Even though some of us were closer than others, everyone made themselves incredibly vulnerable. We laughed and cried, but most of all, we were able to understand that we didn't have to go through this alone; others are navigating this awesome, awkward, difficult time the same way that we are.

on hanging out in the back of a plane with Nancy

This is Nancy. She is awesome.

I first met Nancy when she cooked for my "soup and salad" bridal shower last May in northern California, along with several other ladies I hardly knew. The reason I was attending a shower thrown for me by people I hardly knew is because TJ grew up in a big church where his dad is a pastor, so they have a pretty tight knit community up there. They say when you marry someone that you also marry their family. I would say that not only did I marry his biological family, but I married his home church family as well. Nancy is part of that family.

Other than the ability to cook a mean soup, the first thing I learned about Nancy is that she is super talented at crocheting. Her gift to me was this (legitimately stylish) blanket that she made. She even crocheted in things like our initials and music notes. The more I learned about Nancy, the cooler she became. She has her pilot's license, she was a registered nurse for most of her life, and she is trained in sailing. She and her husband have their own boat and plane that they take all their friends out/up in. She has a license plate holder on her car that says, "Lady pilots don't stall around." Pretty awesome, right?

However, probably the most inspiring thing about Nancy is that she is contagiously joyful all the time. We were in TJ's hometown over the holidays, and Nancy's husband Don offered to take us up in the plane. We went for a 2 hour ride over the coast of Monterey, Santa Cruz, Half Moon Bay, San Francisco (over the Golden Gate Bridge!), and more. We detoured on the way home to the airport in Concord to have lunch and pick up Nancy.

A few months ago, Nancy found out she has cancer. She gets chemo from a place down the street from the airport, so we just picked her up after she was finished with her treatment that day. You read that right: this picture was taken in the back of a Cessna after receiving her chemo therapy treatment. She was boisterous at lunch and chatting it up in the back of the airplane. She was teaching me how to read pilot maps and listen to the tower communications, all while texting with her grand daughter.

Nancy's joy even through exhaustion and pain is incredible. If I can be half as cool as Nancy someday, I feel like I'll have accomplished something great.