on being a part of The Founded

TJ and I got married in July 2013. While most of our friends in our Christian circles got married in their early 20's, we, at the "ripe" ages of 27 and 28, still managed to be one of nine couples in our fringe friend group to get married between May and October 2013. It's a weird time of life to be newlyweds and Christians; most of our close friends have 2 or 3 kids in tow, while we are still terrified of the possibility of accidentally becoming parents. In our community, we struggle to find the balance between "single" and "married with children." We feel rushed to figure out this stage of life and pressure to have an amazing, hassle free first year of marriage.

But it's not like that. It's hard. Apart from getting married, we went through huge life transitions: both moving to San Diego, me quitting my job and being a stay at home wife, TJ taking on his first structured 9-5 job. Also normal marriage transitions: joint budgeting, sharing a bed, boundaries with family, time management. There's always the couple that can give advice about when they went through it, but sometimes you just need to know that someone else is going through it right now too.

That's where The Founded comes in. These nine couples that are entering this stage of life have decided to do it together. We are dispersed across southern California (from San Diego to Pasadena), but we are going to be intentional about meeting every other month to do life together. 

We kicked things off in Pasadena this past weekend and discussed highs and lows in marriage thus far. There were plenty of highs to discuss: honeymoons, no longer having to say goodbye at the end of the night, acts of service, and teamwork. But there were also some significant lows: fights, loneliness, questions of personal worth and value to the relationship. Even though some of us were closer than others, everyone made themselves incredibly vulnerable. We laughed and cried, but most of all, we were able to understand that we didn't have to go through this alone; others are navigating this awesome, awkward, difficult time the same way that we are.