on being a part of The Founded

TJ and I got married in July 2013. While most of our friends in our Christian circles got married in their early 20's, we, at the "ripe" ages of 27 and 28, still managed to be one of nine couples in our fringe friend group to get married between May and October 2013. It's a weird time of life to be newlyweds and Christians; most of our close friends have 2 or 3 kids in tow, while we are still terrified of the possibility of accidentally becoming parents. In our community, we struggle to find the balance between "single" and "married with children." We feel rushed to figure out this stage of life and pressure to have an amazing, hassle free first year of marriage.

But it's not like that. It's hard. Apart from getting married, we went through huge life transitions: both moving to San Diego, me quitting my job and being a stay at home wife, TJ taking on his first structured 9-5 job. Also normal marriage transitions: joint budgeting, sharing a bed, boundaries with family, time management. There's always the couple that can give advice about when they went through it, but sometimes you just need to know that someone else is going through it right now too.

That's where The Founded comes in. These nine couples that are entering this stage of life have decided to do it together. We are dispersed across southern California (from San Diego to Pasadena), but we are going to be intentional about meeting every other month to do life together. 

We kicked things off in Pasadena this past weekend and discussed highs and lows in marriage thus far. There were plenty of highs to discuss: honeymoons, no longer having to say goodbye at the end of the night, acts of service, and teamwork. But there were also some significant lows: fights, loneliness, questions of personal worth and value to the relationship. Even though some of us were closer than others, everyone made themselves incredibly vulnerable. We laughed and cried, but most of all, we were able to understand that we didn't have to go through this alone; others are navigating this awesome, awkward, difficult time the same way that we are.

on hanging out in the back of a plane with Nancy

This is Nancy. She is awesome.

I first met Nancy when she cooked for my "soup and salad" bridal shower last May in northern California, along with several other ladies I hardly knew. The reason I was attending a shower thrown for me by people I hardly knew is because TJ grew up in a big church where his dad is a pastor, so they have a pretty tight knit community up there. They say when you marry someone that you also marry their family. I would say that not only did I marry his biological family, but I married his home church family as well. Nancy is part of that family.

Other than the ability to cook a mean soup, the first thing I learned about Nancy is that she is super talented at crocheting. Her gift to me was this (legitimately stylish) blanket that she made. She even crocheted in things like our initials and music notes. The more I learned about Nancy, the cooler she became. She has her pilot's license, she was a registered nurse for most of her life, and she is trained in sailing. She and her husband have their own boat and plane that they take all their friends out/up in. She has a license plate holder on her car that says, "Lady pilots don't stall around." Pretty awesome, right?

However, probably the most inspiring thing about Nancy is that she is contagiously joyful all the time. We were in TJ's hometown over the holidays, and Nancy's husband Don offered to take us up in the plane. We went for a 2 hour ride over the coast of Monterey, Santa Cruz, Half Moon Bay, San Francisco (over the Golden Gate Bridge!), and more. We detoured on the way home to the airport in Concord to have lunch and pick up Nancy.

A few months ago, Nancy found out she has cancer. She gets chemo from a place down the street from the airport, so we just picked her up after she was finished with her treatment that day. You read that right: this picture was taken in the back of a Cessna after receiving her chemo therapy treatment. She was boisterous at lunch and chatting it up in the back of the airplane. She was teaching me how to read pilot maps and listen to the tower communications, all while texting with her grand daughter.

Nancy's joy even through exhaustion and pain is incredible. If I can be half as cool as Nancy someday, I feel like I'll have accomplished something great.

on small town customer service

When I was in high school I got a handful of "good student" rewards, such as free value meals at the local Burger King, McDonalds, and a big gulp soda at the gas station called Fastrip. Even back then I didn't have much of a taste for fast food or soda and never used the coupons.

A couple of months ago, when I was going through things from my childhood at my parents' house, I stumbled upon these coupons dated anywhere between 1999 and 2001. The Burger King coupons had reasonable expiration dates. However, McDonalds and Fastrip, although dated nearly 13 years ago, did not have expiration dates. Knowing I wouldn't be in town much longer I gave them to my brother- 1 soda from Fastrip and 2 meals from McDonalds.

Last night I got a text from my brother with a picture of a value meal from McDonalds. Fastrip also redeemed the coupon for the free soda. He told them his name was Mikkele (pronounced Michael).

13 years later, they honored the coupons. There's small town customer service for you.

on stumbling upon a free song download

TJ and I are joining a life group at church in a couple of weeks, and we were checking out the curriculum online to see what it was all about. We watched a video entitled, "What are people saying?" which was less about what people are saying, and more of a dramatic reading of sorts. There was a song playing in the background of the video which I wasn't paying much attention to until I heard a very distinct voice singing backup: Ryan O'Neal aka Sleeping at Last.

TJ and I did some sleuthing by using Shazam to figure out the artist and song: David Hodges "A Song for the Weary." We googled David Hodges and Ryan O'Neal and sure enough, it was him. Our Google search yielded an unlisted page on the curriculum website where there was a free download of the song for people who had supported the ministry. So hey, free song for being able to determine backup vocals!

goodbye, Disneyland

TJ and I said goodbye to Disneyland this weekend. Some good friends from high school were meeting there to catch up, so we decided to make a day of it since our passes are about to expire. On the drive up we were thinking about all of the rides we needed to go on one last time: Space Mountain, California Screamin, Tower of Terror, and so on. When we arrived, the thought of spending our last day at Disneyland standing in line to wait to go on rides we've been on a hundred times sounded tedious and stressful. So we didn't. On our last day at Disneyland, we decided to make it a day of firsts. Here's what we did:

1. Pirate Steamboat. We rode the pirate boat around Tom Sawyers' Island (which I think they renamed to the Pirate's Lair? Really?)

2. Canoes. We decided we wanted to put a little effort into our ride around the island by riding the canoes that you have to paddle yourself. Our guide was genuinely hilarious. One of the highlights of the day.

3. Great Moments with Mr. Lincoln. This has been a running joke between TJ and I since our first Disneyland trip. He loves it, but I'm like, who wants a history lesson at Disneyland? To be honest, by the end when the "America: Keep on Dreaming" eagle flew across the screen I was over it. And I may have been a little startled when the too-lifelike-for-comfort animatronic Abe Lincoln got up out of his chair to give a speech. But for the most part, it was actually pretty interesting.

4. The Mexican restaurant in Disneyland across from the pirate boat. TJ had never been here, and we bot got really confused by the fact that you can only order certain food from different lines inside, so I ended up with cheese enchiladas that I didn't really want. I give it a "meh."

5. Starbucks on Main Street. This is brand new, and we had never been to Starbucks in Disneyland, so hey! first for both of us.

6. It's tough to be a bug. This is the 3D bug's life show in CA Adventure. I don't know what I was expecting, but this is terrifying. I hate bugs, you guys. Even cartoon and animatronic ones.

7. Train ride around Disneyland. This is mostly like riding the monorail with more stops, but there was a fun diorama with dinosaurs and the Grand Canyon to look at!

8. The Wilderness Challenge Course. I don't actually even know if that's the right name for it. We ran across rope bridges in the sky and crawled through tunnels and identified fake animal tracks.

9. The petting zoo... sort of. We tried to go see some animals, but they were gone for the night, so we took a picture with Woody instead who was just sort of standing there waiting for kids to realize he was there. There wasn't a line so he took my hand and danced with me for a minute. He even spun me around and hugged me like 3 times. What a nice plastic cowboy.

10. Going left on Space Mountain. We did go on two old favorites: California Screaming and Space Mountain. Screaming hardly had any line, and we had fast passes for Space. However, when we went on Space Mountain, instead of going right around the corner and into the abyss, we turned left and had to evacuate because our lap bars weren't registering in their system. I got REALLY (read: too) excited about this and asked the lady if this meant I got to see Space Mountain with the lights on. She said "not yet" but I think she just didn't hear what I said because all we ended up doing was walking through a short hallway labeled "cast members only" and back onto the ride.

11. We met up with friends from out of town in downtown Disney. This doesn't really have anything to do with saying goodbye to Disneyland, but it's still a first.

12. We ate dinner at the winery in CA Adventure. As TJ so eloquently put it, "Disneyland is just a little more magical after a glass of wine."

All in all, it was a great day. As is tradition, we ended the night at the Jolly Holiday Bakery with a cinnamon roll that I ate by myself because TJ isn't eating gluten or dairy right now. We left during the fireworks show to avoid the post-fireworks traffic, but as we were walking away with the music and explosions in the background, I couldn't help but feel a little sad that we were closing that chapter of our lives. TJ and I spent much of our dating life at Disneyland. It's where we had our first double date, where he first held my hand, and where he first met my brother. There has been so much change in the last few months with jobs, moving, and getting married that a part of me has been holding onto that as a small security.

So, goodbye Disneyland. You've been a good friend these last several years. Hopefully we can catch up again soon.

on the need to travel

The need to travel is a mysterious force. A desire to go runs through me equally with an intense desire to stay at home. An equal and opposite thermodynamic principle. When I travel, I think of home and what it means. At home I’m dreaming of catching trains at night in the gray light of Old Europe, or pushing open shutters to see Florence awaken. The balance just slightly tips in the direction of the airport.

Frances Mayes
A Year in the World: Journeys of a Passionate Traveller

on inspiration

When you are working full time, you think that if you were unemployed you would finally have time to do everything you've never had time to do as an employed person. You'd try all of those crafts you pinned on Pinterest, you'd repaint and redecorate your house like a rockstar, you'd read all of the books ever written, and you'd get into great shape by exercising every day.

When you do stop working, you soak it up. You sleep in. You start that Netflix show you never were able to finish when it originally aired. You browse Pinterest for inspiration.

Then one day you wake up (at 11am) and realize your day is half gone already, and the remainder will quickly disappear with the rest of the Ugly Betty marathon that is bound to take place. You settle in with your cheesecake that you have eaten almost entirely alone because everyone else is at work and you can't bring yourself to go to the store to find real food. You think about going for a run, but there's so much time today that you can definitely do that later.

You decide to look at Pinterest for inspiration, and someone has posted a picture in beautiful typeface that reads:

I still find each day too short for all of the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see.

You re-read it a few times and then you shake your head. On the contrary, lately your days are much too long because you've only had one thought: being unemployed with no structure is very uninspiring.

--

Being married to a man who makes music for a living has taught me a lot about inspiration over the years. Very few times has he started a project feeling inspired. There's usually a looming deadline that forces him to show up, and only after he's been working on it for awhile does inspiration start to hit.

I don't have deadlines. However, I can wake up in the morning and ask myself what I want to accomplish today. I can look at this expiring laundry list of things I said I would do and actually do them. Taking the wise words of someone who has dealt with this long before me: eighty percent of success is just showing up.